Does this invitation sound familiar?

“Hi Jason,

I’d like to get together for lunch or a cup of coffee. I had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you. If you have time in the next week let me know. Thanks talk with you soon.”

Sometimes I get quite a few invitations to meet for lunch or coffee in any given week. The invitations are usually from people I have met at a networking event or they were in the audience of a presentation I gave. Often they cite “networking” as the reason for the meeting. Sometimes they state a vague reason such as “to share ideas,” or don’t offer any reason at all.

I especially love those – no reason given at all.  I’m glad that people think I have really great ideas for nice restaurants and coffee shops. And I must be the best company and offer the most interesting conversation, because all these people want to sit, chat and sip coffee with me. I’m glad I have unlimited time. That helps a lot, too.

But here’s the real situation.

I’m a busy guy running my business, serving my clients and trying to provide help to the public in general when I can – through articles like this one, offering free teleclasses, free networking events and providing workshops, speaking engagements and other various events. I have a wife, and my family is in the area. I go to networking events, meet people at social events (I love to play volleyball), work with organizations that are dear to my heart, go out to eat, go for an occasional movie, and did I mention serving my clients? I really do take a lot of time to make sure they are a top priority and receive lots of attention.

Anyway, after many years of networking, I know that an offer to meet one-on-one for a ”networking” lunch or coffee is often code for ”let’s meet so I can spend 45 minutes telling you exactly what I do, how I do it, and why people want to buy from me. Then you, Jason, can give me the names, phone numbers and email addresses of people that you know that I should call and sell to.” Or plainly, “I think you should hire me, so let’s meet and I can tell you why. But I’m not going to give you an inkling now, because you might catch on and foil this little brilliant plan of mine.” (Insert evil, fiendish laugh here.)

Now, why wouldn’t I just jump at the chance for something like this? I mean, this does sound like a lot of fun, after all! I haven’t got else much going on; I’m waiting by the phone to get these invitations, and I am really looking forward to these “secretive” visits.

Ok… So am I really that unfriendly, mean-spirited and unwilling to assist people that meet me and want help? Am I trying to tell everyone who reads this never to ask me to meet for lunch?

No, I’m not. Of course not.

I highly believe in helping others. I also believe in trying to uncover and leverage mutually beneficial relationships, objectives and strategies. And I want for my networking partners to also have this as a priority.

After all…

Two people are better than one.

A group is more than the sum of its parts.

Teamwork rules!

But I am busy, as I mentioned before. I have professional, personal and self-care obligations. Yep – volleyball and getting to the pool fall in there! And I do like to know that a meeting isn’t solely for the purpose of me having the honor to provide free coaching, consulting or prospecting or getting pitched to when I haven’t been asked for that privilege, which based on past experience is my assumption if there is only a vague reason given. 

I’m sure you have felt the same way.

Here’s the deal, fellow networkers:

If you are going to ask someone for a meeting, please let the other person know WHY you want to meet. And be honest.

If it’s because you are just starting out and you would like to find prospects, tell me that. I’ll appreciate it, and I’ll be able to better serve you by having time to come up with some ideas prior to sitting down. I’ll also, honestly, be able to prioritize the meeting and make it work better in my schedule. (I’m so selfish!)

If it’s because you are looking for “free” coaching or consulting, let me know that too. I don’t mind helping people, especially after they have been to one of my seminars and have already become a bit familiar with my philosophies and strategies, or are even thinking of hiring me.

And if it’s because you want me to speak at your function, event or organization, tell me that too. I can properly prepare and make the best and most efficient use of our time together to make sure we both get a lot of value from our meeting.

Do we see a pattern here?

Yes! Tell me WHY you want to meet with me, WHAT you hope to gain from it, and importantly – WHY I WOULD WANT to meet with you. 

And if the reason is for free ideas, coaching, consulting, or prospecting, think ahead of time how this meeting can be valuable for the me as well – what can you bring of value to the meeting? - and please state that clearly and simply.

Ok, I know what you might be thinking:

“But if I tell you honestly, directly and exactly what’s on my mind, I would lose my ‘tactical advantage,’ and even worse, you might say ‘no.’”

True. The other person might not see the meeting as valuable and perhaps might not even accept.

But that’s OK! They probably wouldn’t have been a good networking, referral or mentor partner for you anyway. And now you have saved lots of time and effort, and can find someone else to ask.

Do you really want to drive an hour, or ask them to drive to you, sit down with them, annoy them with a long-winded pitch or plea for help, and because you were subversive, you end up with no help, ruin a potentially good relationship and harm your reputation?

And by not being straightforward from the beginning, you are placing the other person in the awkward position of trying to be polite but maybe not wanting to give you full attention, because they don’t know or are worried about your agenda and goals for the meeting. So they put off answering, and can eventually end up unintentionally ignoring you all together.

I’ve been there. And I don’t like that feeling at all.

Lastly, after hearing what you want to accomplish from the meeting, I might be able to offer a better or more attractive option. Many such meetings can easily be done over the phone, or I might be able to invite you to a group that is meeting for the very same reason. And get this – you can MULTIPLY YOUR RESULTS that you would have gotten from meeting with me alone!

But hey, that’s only for those people that really want to increase their results and decrease their time, money and energy in getting them. 

So here are the easy two steps to get more sales, prospecting and networking meetings:

1.) Tell the other person “What’s in it for them!”

You’ll be more focused, willing and able to bring even more great value to your new business relationship. And they will be more motivated and likely to accept your invitation!

2.) Be upfront and honest about your agenda and motives.

If you are upfront and honest about your meeting goals, you will get more appointments, foster better relationships, create more good will and synergy with others, and improve your sales, reputation and “brand.” Then there’s no stopping you!

Now, anyone up for coffee? Or how about some NETWORKING VOLLEYBALL?